Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
