I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
