he puts the penis in happiness.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
