White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
