you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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