Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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