smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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