Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
