Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
