defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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