Having a random hookup so left but love u
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
