It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
