omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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