"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
