3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Come see our sink grown plant.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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