Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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