sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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