i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
