hotel room ftw
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
