sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
