Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
