Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
