Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
