She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
