I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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