My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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