and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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