How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
