What a fucking waste of an outfit
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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