Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
