So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
