break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize