i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
