Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
