she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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