Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
