Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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