i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
