I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
My ATM looks so different sober.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
