we have officially lost it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
