and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize