Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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