Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
is it fun? or sober?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize