just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
