I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize