I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
