I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
