Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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