Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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