You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
