you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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