I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
