Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize