yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
