By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize