I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
