Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
