im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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