I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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