is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
