Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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