I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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