I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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