Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You were trust falling into bushes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
